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[personal profile] flawed_karma
And it's come to that time of year again. The Annual Fall Friend's List Clean Up!

Have we grown apart? Do we no longer talk? Have our fandom interests diverged and as a result, our chats in comments and on AIM stopped?

It's cool. We all grow and sometimes, our paths stop crossing. Anyone who wishes to defriend me has utter amnesty to do so. There will be no drama, no whining, no BAWWW'ing over it.

Honestly, I'm not on LJ as much as I used to be, and when I do check in? My page is overwhelming, trying to catch up with friends and family. And since I have so little in common with some of you, it's time to prune the list to make it more manageable.

It's not you, it's me. I don't have the time to chase after people, remind them I exist, force them into friendships they're not interested in maintaining. I'm also, frankly, not interested in the minutia of new, shiny fandoms many folks have moved on to and it's all they talk about now. Just like I am -sure- some of you are sick of my health issues or hearing about my dogs.

I'm not going to demand you filter your entries or anything stupid. That's just entitled bitchism! I feel we honestly don't have enough in common anymore to keep being LJ friends.

So if you find, suddenly, you're off the list, please. Don't be offended. I'm simply making my life easier by cutting down on the deluge of posts.

I truly have valued our time together, we've had some great times and made beautiful pixel memories.

This post is being left unlocked and comments enabled so if you feel you were removed in error, you can let me know. I'm not infallible, (noooo, really?!) and will likely click a couple names I shouldn't.

<3 to you all!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-10-29 10:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morrigan530.livejournal.com
I had noticed you weren't really on LJ anymore. :( At first I was worried this had something to do with my CF entry. I locked it down because that certain friend can be..quite volatile, and I did not want to deal with any flaming in my journal, which is what would have happened. It wasn't anything against you or your fault or anything like that, so don't worry. I wasn't angry at you. :)

I'd like to still be around on Facebook, if that's okay. You're really awesome. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-10-29 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flawed-karma.livejournal.com
No, no.. I removed you because honestly? Reading about your horse hurts. Ever since I've been unable to ride after the accident, there's this huge, gaping hole in my heart that has never been filled by anything. Dog agility comes close, but the recent re-injury and subsequent injections/limitation of activity has taken that from me as well.

I was so, so close to rising to international levels, having won at national levels in spite of being a morbidly obese disabled woman.

So it really isn't you, it is -totally- me. I thought 18 years was enough time to get over it and move on. But all your pictures and beautiful, lyrical descriptions of Syd and your time together and the sounds and scents of the barn bring it all back, painfully so. It happened...December 11, 1991. That's nearly 19 years ago now.

And every picture of you and Syd, every post about his soft whiskers and the whuffling noises? Brings it right back. In a beautiful, visceral, painful way.

So it isn't that I don't adore you, or I'm upset over something someone said, or the locked entry. It's because I still can't read about horses without breaking down. Therapy has not helped as much as I thought it did, lol.

Please, keep in touch via Facebook. You're a great kid with so much potential, in spite of the constant fuckery surrounding you. I can say that, I'm almost 37. ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-10-30 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morrigan530.livejournal.com
I am so sorry about that, despite not knowing. :( My heart truly does go out to you and I wish so badly that things could have been different for you. It's not fair at all, and that makes my own heart break for you. I will definitely be around on Facebook. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-10-30 01:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] flawed-karma.livejournal.com
*hugs* I thought I could handle it. And frankly, I hate retelling the story. It always sounds like such..a desperate bid for attention or a pity party or some shit. I will always, always miss my horses. The scent, the sights, the sounds, that incomparable freedom of feeling yourself and horse truly moving as a team, that first moment a young horse GETS the concept you're working on.

I will never get over the feeling of being the first weight on a young one's back, the feel of those first, tentative steps as they learn to find a new balance for their bodies with a rider. I will never get over the moment they realize they are enjoying themselves, that moment of "Ah HA!" when they take the bit for the first time and gently flex at the poll, mouth and jaw relaxed, bit moving easily and communicating.

And I will never, ever regret that having all that led to a devastating injury and took it all away.

It was so, so worth it.

Meeting the people I met, even staying in touch now, half a lifetime later. The experiences, the joys, the sorrows, the heartbreak, the euphoria. How can I regret any of it?

I mourn the loss, believe me. But I don't regret a single minute of it. Not the blisters, the scars, the insanely late nights and equally insane early mornings. The cramping muscles, the aches and pains, the awful bruises and broken bones. I don't regret a minute of it.

Enjoy Syd. He may not be an Olympic contender, he may be a broken, cranky old man. But he's yours. Keep working him, get him to stretch and take the bit. When you're at the trot, use your pelvis like you're having sex, those thrusts, to encourage him to move his hips forward and bring his back legs further forward so he moves with more impulsion.

Swing YOUR hips in rhythm with his walking strides to help this as well.

Work him in half halts to help him balance more on his hind end, ask him to bend on a straight line so he moves laterally and forward. Keep him moving into your hand, and with your leg, not away from it.

And try him with different bits, even if it means hitting swap meets and flea markets to find one he likes to play with, one that will help him soften his mouth and be more responsive.

I had great success with a straight bar, single rein, no chin strap or chain.

If you need help or advice, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm happy to help. I can suggest the things that worked for me, for my horses. And maybe some of them would help you guys, too.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-10-30 02:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] morrigan530.livejournal.com
I am just glad that you don't regret a single moment of it. :) *big hugs* Definitely be in touch with you, hun. <3


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